The Zoo 4: Stomachs/The Zoo 4 - Stomachs (Disk 2 of 2).adf/Edited_Articles/Polish2.ade

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*!EOM
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2319Y00F05goghb23Y00C3NREADING 97: POLISHING THE TURDS
2306Y00C4NPart 2 of 2
1619Y00F05roman16Y00C5NFishboy of Panda
0814Y00F05pearl08N
0806Y00C2N(The opinions of Fishboy do not strictly co-incide with those of the Panda
0801Ngroup. Any strange errors in this article can be put down to the fact that
0801NFishboy owns a Queers LP and a Teenage Fanclub shirt.)
0801N
0806Y00C3N- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
0801N!Official Panda Reading Report! Official Panda Reading Report! Official Panda
0801N- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
0801N
0801NThis article details the 1997 Panda festival vacation.  This year Reading
0801Nfestival.  Among others Cachet, Fishboy, Jude, Mr Kevin, Jasper, Chris and
0801NDave attended.  Read on.
0801N
0801N- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
0801NReading Report! Official Panda Reading Report! Official Panda Reading Report!
0801N- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
0806Y00C1N
0801NContinued from part 1... Fishboy's story takes up on the second day of the
0801Nfestivities, which in my opinon was easily the best anyhow...
0801N
0801N
0801NSATURDAY: (day 2)
0801N
0801NI wanted really badly to see the Stereophonics but Mr Kevin insisted that the
0801Nrecord fair would be closed tommorow so we went there instead. Firstly good
0801Nold Mr Kevin lead us about a mile in the WRONG direction then when we got
0801Nthere we found that not only would the record fair be on tommorow but their
0801Nwould have been more stands. So I missed the Stereophonics. Mr Kevin's
0801Nconduct so far can best be described by the phrase: "Spliff stealing goon".
0801N
0801N
0801NYOU AM I: Er. They were alright but the lead singer was an almighty arsehole.
0801NJude claims that they are better on record, which to be honest wouldn't be
0801Ntoo hard.
0801N
0801N
0801NTHE CARDIGANS: The fact that the Cardigans can get away with playing the same
0801Nfestival as Metallica made me glad to be alive for the duration of their set.
0801NYou can't argue with good pop songs though and the sun shone through for a
0801Nbit, and the place was refreshingly free from crustied longhairs with denim
0801Njackets with metallica charcoled on the back for a brief while.
0801N
0801N
0801NSUPER FURRY ANIMALS: Ignore any negative comments from the press or your
0801Nmates about this band. They are and always will be musical gods. I can't
0801Nhonestly remember what they played (I think they did Hometown Unicorn and
0801NInternational Language Of Screaming) but there was a pretty frantic mosh pit
0801Nwhich just went mental when they finished their set with The Man Don't Give A
0801NFuck.
0801N
0801N
0801NDEATH IN VEGAS: Hammond organs are possibly the coolest keyboards ever built.
0801NForget the Moog (lameass piece of one channel shit if you ask me). Any band
0801Nthat has a Hammond organ solo is fine by me. Death in Vegas played the best
0801Nstuff off their album, a kind of wierd mix of punk, reggea, ska and funk.
0801NDeath In Vegas: If you don't dance, then your dead or ill. And if you can't
0801Ndance then shake yourself about a bit, there's no excuse for being
0801Nstationary.
0801N
0801N
0801NTHE ORB: A ten minute droning, beatless, 20hz headfucking intro ensured that
0801Nall idiot indie kids waiting for some "Pumping electronica" left to go see
0801Nsomeone else. At this point the beat started and it was fucking incredible.
0801NThe visuals were kind of lame up until about the third song when this cool
0801Ndancing baby came on screen and started doing Travolta style disco moves and
0801Nthen when they played the "Little Fluffy Clouds" sample everyone went
0801Napeshit. They finished off with a ten minute version of toxygene where the
0801Nbass just got heavier and heavier. When it was over Melee summed up the
0801Nexperiance best by just grinning madly.
0801N
0801N
0801NMANIC STREET PREACHERS: You don't know what the Manics sound like? Oh fuck
0801Noff.
0801N
0801N
0801NWe went back to the tent and nothing happened because we had no money for
0801Nbeer or anything. [Slight lie there.  We had plenty of money, even me whoed
0801Nhad his wallet nicked on friday night cause I was so fucked... just after the
0801Nresults of the last nights orgy of bodily abuse nobody seemed that intrested
0801Nin going for a re-run - Jude]
0801N
0801N
0801NSUNDAY: (Day 3):
0801N
0801NNothing intresting happened today at all in the morning. The mainstage lineup
0801Nwas limp with only the Descendants to liven things up. Which reminds me! How
0801Nmany Kerrang readers does it take to light a candle? One, but he has to be
0801Nsupervised by a parent / guardian when he uses the matches. Ha! The heaviest
0801Nband that played today were Mogwai who really hurt my head...
0801N
0801N
0801NDOG EAT DOG: I didn't see them but we could hear them at the campsite and
0801Nthey were really poor. Okay, so maybe since I didn't see them I'm in no
0801Nposition to comment, but fuck it, they're sort of like a miniture Beastie
0801NBoys that you get free in selected packets of cornflakes.
0801N
0801N
0801NDESCENDANTS: The speaker towers fucked up so the sound kept cutting out if
0801Nyou weren't standing near the stage. Which kind of ruined it a bit. But the
0801NDescendants were probably the only band worth seeing on the mainstage line
0801Nup on the last day on account of the fact that they didn't have their heads
0801Nup their own rock arses. They were good but they would probably have been
0801Nbetter in one of the tents where they didn't have to play to a bunch of
0801Narsehole denim wearing metallers who refused to clap or dance or anything.
0801N
0801N
0801NSNUG: Oh god! They really sucked. Uptill now I had only heard "My Girl Keith"
0801Nby them, which I thought was really cool. But for fucks sake! Being a pop
0801Nband is no excuse for being a bunch of limp poseurs. The music was like
0801Nwatered down early Green Day but without any of the sarcasm or imagery. So
0801Nshit really.
0801N
0801N
0801NMOGWAI: One of these post everything instrumental guitar bands. The concept
0801Nis good but if you're left listening to the same chord for up to two minutes
0801Nthings get pretty boring. The highlights, when they actually got their heads
0801Nout of their arses and tried playing some songs were good and for sheer
0801Nbrutality in frequencys they were ten times heavier then anything on the
0801Nmainstage (I didn't think the mainstage line up was too good by the way...).
0801N
0801N
0801NHURRICANE #1: They started well playing some indie rock with hammond organ
0801Nand cool bass lines and then this cool soul song called Faces In A Dream or
0801Nsomething. The sun shone. Everything was fine. We were GOING TO LIVE! Then
0801Nthey fucked up and the entire second half of their set sounded like Oasis. If
0801NI'd left after about the fourth song my memory of them would have been of one
0801Nof the coolest "indie" (Creation, so er... Not indie really) bands ever.
0801NAlas, they fucked it all off.
0801N
0801N
0801NMIDGET: Midget are great. Don't fuck with them.
0801N
0801N
0801NJ-CHURCH: I really want to say this was the best band I saw. But if I do I'll
0801Njust get shit kicked at me for just "Saying any old indie band is good just
0801Nto look cool". Anyway: I insisted that everyone go see J-Church because I
0801Nvaguely rememberd Steve "Not quite right in the face" Lamaqc playing one of
0801Ntheir records on the radio and them being a good punk band. The name though
0801Nsounds like some dodgy religious splinter group. So as we sat outside the Doc
0801NMartins tent I got more nervous because I didn't want to make a dick out of
0801Nmyself by saying we should go see some christian band or something. But then
0801Nfrom all over the festival site people in Operation Ivy shirts just swarmed
0801Ntowards the tent. So I was right and they were fucking excellent even gaining
0801Nthe coverted Melee seal of approval (so far only metered out to the Orb).
0801N"I liked the drummer" he said "He was good". They were the best band I saw.
0801N
0801N
0801NTHE VERVE: While Melee, Jass and Chris were laming out by watching Metallica
0801Nthe rest of us decided to go see the Verve. Probably everyone elses articles
0801Nwill say they were shit just to look cool by slagging the Verve, which is so
0801Nwrong. Okay so some songs went on too long, and okay so the drums were
0801Npractically identical on each song, and okay so they get more credit then
0801Nthey really deserve (Ohh! Beat on top of classical bit! Jaysus, don't they
0801Nget DJ Shadow records at the NME?) but to be honest you could have stuck the
0801Nbass player and the singer up there on their own and they would still kick
0801Nshit at the mainstage line up. Also, seeing the Verve and then telling all
0801Nthe lamefuck indie kids "They sucked compared to J-Church" when asked if they
0801Nplayed History is highly satisfying.
0801N
0801NAfter returning from the Verve freezing and in pain I then decide to hike
0801Nall the way across the campsite to see Ste's tent. This really hurt but did
0801Ngive me the scariest festival experiance ever. Everybody is sitting in this
0801Nhuge marquee type tent listning to NOFX and The Descendants. Then somebody
0801Nputs on The Offspring (oh god! They are LAME NOW! ITS OVER! GIVE IT UP!) and
0801Nthen everyone in the tent except me and Jass knows every word to every song
0801Nand sings along putting all the empthasis on the swearing like they were all
0801Nstill in the fourth year at secondary school. Damn. Shortly after this I
0801Ndecide I have to escape before I hurl. So as I leave the tent Jass says:
0801N"Wait! You'll get lost!".
0801N
0801NI can remember my EXACT words: "No fucking way will I get lost". I then
0801Nwanderd off and got completely lost. It started to piss down and all I'm
0801Nwearing is a Chemical Brothers shirt and a pair of jeans. Anyway, I ask this
0801Nsecurity guy how to get to parking area 3 and he's like:
0801N"Okay its down here and...". Then this guy with his little finger practically
0801Nhanging off came over and he was screaming shit like:
0801N"WHERE'S THE FUCKING FIRST AID TENT!" and the security guy is:
0801N"Wait up mate! I'm trying to get this idiot back to his tent!".
0801N
0801NSo he points me down this road. And I wander down it but I don't remember
0801Nany of the scenery. Then I suddenly went: Oh yeah! I'm here. But I'm really
0801Ntired and I want to get back as soon as possible so I cut across through this
0801Nhedge. It was really dark because the trees blocked out the light but I can
0801Nsee our campsite on the other side. Then FUCK! I slipped down this embankment
0801Nright into this river, luckily I grabbed onto one of the security fences.
0801N
0801NSo I'm clinging onto this security fence with both arms, up to my knees in a
0801Nriver thats probably 50% piss by now and god knows how deep. I managed to
0801Npull myself up and back onto the bank and start to go back the way I came.
0801NOnly this time without my shadow blocking out my view of whats infront of me
0801NI can see about five barbed wire fences, all trampled down. Somehow I had
0801Nmanaged to step over all five without even realising they were there. Jaysus!
0801N
0801NBack in the tent I manage to get asleep, freezing cold and shaking insanely.
0801N
0801N
0801NMonday: (The voyage home)
0801N
0801NSleep. Sleep. My nutrition starved sack of shit body needed sleep and kept
0801Ngetting it against my will. At the changeover point we went to get some fish
0801Nand chips from the "Fish Bar" which Melee mistook for a sushi bar.
0801N
0801NReading is great and devoid of most of the dickweed Fake Indie Kids (spit)
0801Nyou get at Phoenix and V97.
*!EOF